Adventures in Living!

Funk, and not the danceable kind

So we have all been taking turns getting sick. Actually, Noah and Travis and I have been taking turns. Wren and Kira seem relatively unscathed thus far. My head is pounding and my nose is dripping and I feel like crap. Exactly the way Travis felt last week. Yay. At least Noah seems well now, and the girls don't have this. Yet.

Optimism! I haz it!

The flu thing is sucky. I realize the flu is around all year, and the seasonal flu kills a zillion people every year itself, so the H1N1 flu is just another strain of the same thing, pretty much, BUT....the age groups that seem really more affected are the kids....and MINE. I never get a flu shot. Never. I have had the flu a few times in my life, but I have never bothered to get the vaccine before. Mostly, it seems I don't typically get the flu. I don't know if that is because I worked in health care for so long and washed my hands so constantly that I just didn't pick it up, or if my immune system is just so freakin' awesome that I am not always susceptible.

Either way, I get freaked out when I read about another kid dying of this virus. I cannot imagine the horror of that, but I get it stuck in my head and can't get it out. What if Wren gets sick? Or Kira? What if Noah, who had RSV as a newborn, gets it and can't overcome the respiratory issues that come along with the flu? It's too awful to contemplate.

And then, I started going to the gym again. The vision of myself in the gym mirrors is just frightening. I look like an overstuffed sofa. I cannot stand the roundness of shoulders, the back fat, the wiiiiide rear view. The past few years of childbearing and getting older and not exercising has resulted in an extra twenty pounds and I can't seem to get it off of me. I've gained almost ten pounds since I stopped nursing Noah, over a year ago, and no matter what I do, I can't get the weight off. It used to be easier, and clearly, my metabolism has quit on me. The worst part is that I get motivated, go work out, get exhausted, sore, hurt, sick, or huge amounts of other stress crops up, and all the motivation goes out the window.

I know I should cut myself some slack. I know I use food to manage my mood when I should use exercise. I know I let myself get overloaded with stress and worries and work and just "stuff".

I know all this, and yet I let myself get all tangled up in it.

Argh. I think I'm just going to go to bed.

Philosophy

"Life's too short to be taking risks on things that may be considered fun."

Illustrious wisdom from a family member of mine whom I love dearly, but who obviously has a much different perception of what living is all about.

I know what was meant in the above statement: that risk-taking is a dangerous thing, and life is too precious to just cavalierly participate in an activity that could end your life. I have much to live for, and people who depend on me and love me, and I cannot be selfish and do what I want without regard for them.

And that's true, for the most part.

I guess the part where I have a differing view comes in with the concept of risk-taking and potential selfishness. I see all of life as a risk-taking adventure. Especially in modern times, where we (literally) go faster, have developed more technology for adventure sports, and have conquered (we think) so much more of the natural world. The world itself is larger, more accessible, and the sense of community most of us has encompasses the 'global village', rather than just the folks down the road or in the church pews.

The old chestnut, used when talking about risk assessment, "I could get run over by a bus tomorrow!" still stands, although I am not sure how likely I am to get run over by a bus in an area that doesn't really have sidewalks to step off of, much less a proliferation of city busses.  Now, I am no adventure-sporting adrenaline junkie. I like my adventure relatively tame, on the whole. Riding horses, flying in small airplanes, moving to a new area without excessive amounts of research....you get the picture. Not exactly setting the world on fire, except in my own little corner of it.

Oh, I dream of learning to kayak the James River one of these days (but not the class V rapids), and of learning to rock climb (but not free-soloing), and one of these days, I am sure that I will. I also have an intense desire to travel, to get out and see the world for myself. I'll get to all that. I know I will.

It's been a long time since I fed my personal sense of adventure, and I don't mean by having another child. Lord knows, life can be enough of an adventure with my bunch! No, this time it won't be horses or airplanes or moving house, or joining the Peace Corps.

I'm going to get a motorcycle license.

It's something I never saw myself doing, not really ever, particularly since I am not much of a biker chick. But it will allow me to safely and legally operate a 125cc motor scooter on the non-interstate roads of the commonwealth. This one, in particular. 

Right now, I am going to take the Basic Rider Course from the Motorcycle Safety Foundation, buy my helmet and gloves, shop for a motorcycle jacket that IS NOT PINK (or baby blue or white, for that matter), and save money like a crazy person.

Hopefully, I'll be scooting around town by next spring.

I can't wait!

Fitness fear

Ok, I have fallen slightly off the wagon....more like I am hanging on the back tailgate...I haven't done any form of exercise, aside from chasing my children, since Monday's 45-minutes bike ride.

My recent order from Amazon came in Wednesday, and along with the books I showed yesterday about cupcakes and home cheesemaking, came this DVD. Jillian Michaels is one of the trainers on "The Biggest Loser" TV show (that I never watch because I hate reality TV that humiliates people), and I read about this DVD on another blog I read regularly, All and Sundry. She has been working out with this DVD, among other things, and sings its praises and has lost like 30 pounds and gained a bunch of muscle in the last year. I normally don't like exercise videos, I prefer the 'competition' of a group class, but going to the gym is not possible any longer. So, I decided to give this a try. The attractive thing about it is each of the workouts is only 20 minutes long. Granted, from what I have heard, it's a total ass-kicking 20 minutes, but hey, I've delivered three kids, so I can probably do anything for twenty minutes, right? Riiiight.

I am, truthfully, scared of this DVD.

It sounds really, really hard. Not that I am afraid of a hard workout per se, but man, I just don't want to be incapacitated by it. Silly, right? A good vinyasa yoga sesion can be ass-kicking, too, and I have done enough of those. I guess what unnerves me the most is the 'aerobics' aspect of it. I don't know. Really, I should just do it and pass judgement later, after I am lying on the floor in a pool of sweat and completely unable to move. Positive thinking, oh yeah.

I guess I should just put on my big-girl panties and give it a go. Tonight? Maybe. Or tomorrow.

Domestic Paradise, VA 23236

It's another Monday morning here in Domestic Paradise. Wren is running around and being loud, while Noah is attached to my leg, crying for me to carry him around the house. Both kids have had food and sippy cups, and are dressed. I'm just now getting to my breakfast. Kira is upstairs, still asleep. I won't wake her until at least 10; there's no school today. It's grey and cold outside -- so is my mood.

There's a meeting coming up at work on Wednesday that I am dreading and apprehensive about. I don't think I will be losing hours (I only average about ten a week), but in fact --

wait. I have to go retrieve Noah from out of the oven.

--where was I? Oh.....but in fact, I think I will be asked for more hours. This is not a bad thing, the company president likes me and my work very much. I am making a good hourly rate, and I do enjoy the majority of what I am doing. So why am I apprehensive? I think it has something to do with being ultra-ultra protective of my time.

hang on. Wren is standing on the glass coffee table.

The majority of my time is spent staying home and taking care of my kids. I am lucky enough to have a work situation with extremely flexible hours, and a very small need for me to be actually IN an office. Most of my work is done remotely, at all hours of the day and night. I like that. It probably won't change too much. But I worry, nonetheless, because that's the kind of person I am.

It's probably not overstating the obvious, but taking care of little kids is fun, difficult, draining work. While they need me and my supervision so much, I can't just be doing other things all the time. It's hard to concentrate when I am constantly retrieving someone from --

Wren! Get down off the baby gate!

--someplace they shouldn't be. We need for me to work some hours. I need time to myself. I also want to be able to exercise, practice yoga and get some creative time in. Is it too much to ask to be able to do all that in one day?

Yeah. Probably.

I think if I broke it all down, here is what I want to cram into a day:

caring for the kids and playing with them (the majority of the hours in the day)
some household chores (laundry loads, dishes, something -- 30 mins)
writing
sewing or glass
yoga (20-60 mins)
work (an hour or 2 a day)
doing nothing / playing on the computer
exercise bike time
cooking and meals (45 mins or so for lunch and dinner)
time with my husband (theoretically)

I'm sure there are plenty of things I have left out, like sleeping, but you get the idea. It seems like way too much and like not that much at all, depending on your perspective. I feel like I should just be organized, and then it will all fit in, but I can't seem to get organized enough to make it work.

And if I just 'go with the flow', then I feel like I get nothing done that I want to.

Arg.

Ah, well. I've spent my allotment of time writing already today. I really shouldn't think too much. When I do, I realize how far behind I am sometimes, and how I feel like I will never catch up.

Deep breath. A library run today? Maybe.

Brrr!!

WARNING! This entry is random, probably boring, and deals with various musings and things that popped into my head as I was writing. I'm just saying.

Wow, the weather is positively Upstate New York-like! I love it, although I wish we had their three feet of snow.

I loved living in NY state, going to college there. The only negative moment was the spring of my freshman year.  I had almost finished my first year of college, first year back living in NY after ten eyars of living in Miami, and my friends and I planned a cookout party for the first weekend of May. The winter had been exceptionally long and harsh (to me, anyway), and I was so looking forward to wearing shorts (possibly) and being outside without the encumbrance of my winter coat, hat, scarf, gloves, earmuffs, boots....

I woke up the morning of the party on May 3rd and looked outside, only to see that it was...snowing.

I cried.

Thankfully, the snow didn't last, the beer and food and friends were good, and I developed my sense of Zen about the winters after that.
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So, I've decided I can't deal with my flabby physical self any longer and am going to do something about it. I have started walking after work every day for 30 minutes, and made a goal to drink a minimum of 60 oz of water daily.

This week, I've walked over three miles in two days. I even packed up the kids for a trip to the gym while Travis went to fight practice.

Ten pounds. All I'm asking my metabolism for right now is the loss of ten pounds. And I would love to either gain some self control, or find a way to be less stressed at work so I will stop eating everything that isn't nailed down.

I try not to think about the forty (gasp!) pounds I have gained over the years since I stopped dancing professionally.
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We enrolled Kira in a drama and theater class through the local parks and recreation department. It makes for a busy Monday night, but she is loving it, and I think it might give her the creative, silly, energy, attention-seeking outlet she needs. After one class, she has already proclaimed "Drama is definitely my sport, Mom!"

Hey, there are much worse things than being a 'theater geek'. :)

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Not much art being made here, right now. I am trying to be more disciplined about my approach to each day, because if I don't make some semblance of order out of what goes on around here, I will never get to sew/exercise/knit/make glass/write/whatever.

When I was in grad school, several years ago, I found it hard to maintain my sewing obsession and study for my classes (and this was before kids!).  I found a book that basically discussed how to divide your sewing projects into manageable chunks so that you could work on things a little at a time in spare bits of time, rather than obsessing over not being able to spend an entire day on something. I think I need to go back to this way of thinking. Right now, I have my Venetian bodice partially cut and basted and sitting on the cutting table. I have fabric purchased for a cape and hood for Kira, fabric purchased for fleece jackets for all three girls in this house, and pattern pieces cut for a jean jacket that I don't see myself getting to soon.

And there's more I want to make, or fiddle with, but not enough time.  I think I am going to acquire some decent-sized plastic bins and use them to organize projects in various stages of completion. Then I can cut stuff out when I have an hour to do that, press some pattern pieces in a ten minute block of time, rethread my serger when I can run in and spend five minutes, etc.

I might end up making more things if I try not to hold everything off until I can spend hours in my sewing room.
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Oh, and why for the love of all that is good and holy, can't a guitar just be a guitar for once??

Prince totally rocked it in the halftime show. It was awesome. We danced.

"....Baby, Im a star....Might not know it now....Baby but I r, Im a star..."


See? I warned you. This entry is boring and random. I applaud thoseof you who have read to this point. I will reward you now by ending this entry. Keep warm!